Dracula.3000 (2004)
Dracula.3000 is a South African-US science-fiction thriller movie that came out in 2004. No relation at all to Dracula 2000 (the one with Vitamin C who also sang that Graduation Song that used to be hella popular for its time)
Incoming pic heavy post.
How I watched: MovieSphere (See Note Below)
Not gonna lie, this movie is pretty terrible. It's a Made-For-TV movie need I say more? Consider this more of a Coolio appreciation post since he has recently passed away in late September and I literally found out yesterday he was in this silly ass horror movie. RIP Coolio
This movie is about a salvage spaceship that approaches a 100-year abandoned spaceship, Demeter, and they all take a little looksy inside intending on towing it back to Earth. They immediately find a dead ass corpse clutching a crucifix that conveniently only the captain knows what it is. He explains that it's a sacred object of Christianity and everyone else is like "ChRiStIaNiTy?????? Wutz dat?" Because apparently, it is the year 3000 and religion is a thing of the past and no longer is in practice. In fact, it's been banned.
You know, I'm just going to explain the entire movie for this post because this is an incredibly terrible movie and there's no point in persuading you to watch this on your own volition. As mentioned above, this is a co-production of South Africa and USA so that explains why practically every actor in here (an outstanding number of 8 total) is recognizable to the American eye.
Coolio plays a character named 187 because that was his IQ when he joined the team LOL. He is besties with Tiny Lister's character, Humvee (also RIP, he passed away in 2020) they investigate Demeter further and find a cargo bay full of coffins. 187 is attacked and turned into a vampire. Their own ship detached from Demeter so everyone is stranded!! Dun dun DUN.
When the rest of the crew run to his aid 187 immediately flips a switch (because being a vampire totally rewires your brain to want to kill the very people you worked with). Honestly though, the best part of the movie is evil vamp Coolio trying to slaughter the whole crew. You could tell he absolutely had a lot of fun playing the antagonist and is definitely the best part about this movie that's for sure. One of my favorite (yet stupidest scenes) was when he talks dirty to Aurora the same time he's trying to kill her:
Next, Aurora runs into Count Orlock which is the most predictable ass name for a head vampire, they literally didn't even try to make this guy NOT look stereotypical. He literally looks like the Count Dracula a 5 year old would dress as for Halloween. With a lot of low budget movies I've noticed that it can highlight the hell out of their creativity and just making the most of what they got. NOT this movie though. Anyway, Count Orlock just spills the beans on his plans and lets her go bite-free.
She relays the info to the crew that, get this, there was a planet called Transylvania that was nothing but...you guessed it: vampires. They were going extinct so Count Orlock was trying to use Demeter as a vendor with his cargo of coffins that he hid in and blah blah. Everyone thinks she's suspicious so they tie her up. She reveals herself as an undercover android cop investigating the whole crew and having no blood flow is why she went unscathed from Count Orlock. She gets untied.
Pointless crap here but one by one all the members get turned into a vampire and can only be killed by using a pool cue since all other "wood" on that ship is synthetic rendering it useless. Throughout this movie we are seen clips for 2900 Captain of Demeter's video diaries documenting the rapid decline of his crew.
Everyone is dead except for Humvee and Aurora. Count Douche is somewhere on the ship. With Captain dead and both don't know how to pilot the ship, they come to terms they are done for as their ship is on a collision course to the sun. Aurora then goes to Humvee that before she was an android cop, she was originally programed as a sex robot "And I'm off the clock." So Humvee whisks Aurora away as the the ship collides with the sun.
THE END
It's a silly movie and has universal scathing reviews but I don't think people should take this movie so seriously. It's a goofy piece of work and it's apparent that was the intent. That should have been obvious at the corpse reveal itself since it looks blatantly fake. Almost like they put effort to make it look even faker then it really is. Even the opening credits to movie looked like a school Power Point presentation. Every thing about this movie is a mess. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
With that being said, what is my verdict?
It was intentionally an incredibad movie so no need to be more harsh that we are already are
For some ungodly reason you want to see this movie then please CLICK HERE to see where you can watch via the free streaming guide app JUSTWATCH!
I do want to point out that this movie is hard to find for streaming so the only way I was able to watch this movie for free (legally) was through a 7 Day free trial to MovieSphere through the Amazon Prime Video channel section. Don't worry, I watched so you don't have to. There's various clips on YouTube as well.
